REAL JONATHAN FACTS:

• He once flew to Germany for a job interview. The company had the wrong resume.

• In a different interview, a CEO pointed a dildo at him.

• He did not get either job.

• He consumes horror movies like they’re chicken wings and chicken wings like they’re horror movies.

• He has two daughters and multiple adult-sized tutus.

• If you were in the NBA from 2006 to 2015, he may have seen you naked.

• He’d love to hear from you.